Changing things up

I have  been stuck at the same weight for the last year! That isn't a bad thing since I know I could have  easily gained weight in this last year, so I am thankful that I have  learned to maintain. BUT I knew it was time to change things up so that's what I sought out to do.
I decide  to talk to an old friend o  mine that is a personal trainer. She encouraged m  to join her group training session that she  was starting. I wasn't  sure if I should, but after  talking it over with my husband, decided it was a good thing.
Went to the first day, not knowing what to expect. We were testing some things to see where we were at in our abilities of strength. I was so sore and feeling a bit frustrated seeing how out of shape I was. I thought I was doing pretty good since I have been walk/running this past year. I knew I was in the right place because this, I felt, was exactly what I needed, something that was going to challenge me.
The second time meeting was some more testing and a taste of our first workout. If I thought I was sore after the first day, this day really made me sore! Walking stairs and sitting down were no easy tasks. The soreness lasted up until our next workout!
Got through the 3rd workout and watched a documentary on eating healthy. It really reaffirmed a lot of what I had already been thinking of the way I should be eating.
The 4th workout was hard but seemed to fly by. I can feel myself getting stronger!
I am looking forward to seeing what changes these workouts bring!

Catching up

I am not good at this blogging.......It has been over 2 months since I have "blogged". I think of things I want to write then I get busy with something else or I feel like what I will write just wont be that interesting so decided to forget it.
A few things have happened since I blogged last. We went on our annual beach trip to the beach in February. I do it every year to honor my mom since she passed away on February 9th. Its a time to reflect and spend time with my family. I can hardly believe its been 9 years since she has been gone. I keep thinking that time will make things easier but it doesn't seem to work that way so far. I miss her so much more each year. We had a good vacation and as usual, it was way too short! I love the beach and hope to live there some day!
We had a French student come stay with us for 3 weeks. He shadowed my son at school for the 3 weeks and got to see what it was like to be in America. We took him to the beach and rode on go-carts and took him hiking. He seemed to have fun and we hope that he had an enjoyable time. He had fun playing video games with the boys and I had so much fun listening to all of them while they were engaged in their games together.
My oldest son signed up to join the United States Airforce. He found out that he will leave for boot camp in July which means that our trip we were going to take to Disneyland in August needs to be held off for a bit. I am very proud and nervous at the same time! I have been doing a lot of reading up on things to prepare myself and to understand more of what he will be getting into.
We just finished Spring break which means the kids were home all week and we had an extra boy all week which was nice because it keeps the kids more at peace. I felt spring break went by too fast! It will feel good though to get back into routine.
On my weight loss journey news, I finally reached my goal of getting under 200 pounds....woohooo!!! It has been a long journey (9years since I actively started trying to lose weight), but I am happy to be well on my way towards reaching my ultimate weight loss goal. This is the lowest weight I have been in 22 years!!!! I feel like I owe a lot of thanks to my husband for being so supportive through this journey! He has only walked the last 5 years with me on this journey, but I feel like he has given me so much! I have very awesome friends that have encouraged me and pushed me in ways I didn't think I would ever be able to do (like running).
I am also happy that I am on my way of working on my heart and getting closer and closer to God each day. God has brought just the right people into my life that have helped me want to grow again. I have even found a bible study that I am a part of now and enjoying the friendships that I am making there.
I have some fun events coming up.....I am doing a Biggest Loser 5K with a friend in a couple of weeks. Then I have a TOPS convention coming up and I love hearing all the great success stories. Then I have a 10K that I am actually in training for right now coming up in May. It feels so good being able to say that I am "in training". I am a little nervous about the 10K because there are some pretty good hills on that one, but I am looking forward to proving to myself that I can do it!
Life is good! I do have some thorns that are coming in from different places that cause a little pain in my life, but I am trying very hard to turn those things over to God and allow Him to deal with them and teach me how to best deal with them.
On this Easter Sunday, I am so very thankful for the gift God has given me-JESUS!!

My 40th Birthday

Today started as usual with a healthy breakfast that I brought from home....oatmeal and hard boiled eggs. We went down to see what was at the breakfast buffet and I added fresh fruit to that. Later when we took the kids down to breakfast, I ended up "helping" one of my boys with their belgium waffle. A little treat I felt wouldn't be a bad thing.
I had decided it would be fun to go to a thrift store and look around......why I was thinking that taking 4 boys shopping would be a good idea, is beyond me. It did not go well. They even got asked by the clerk to stop running around. How embarrassing! So my oldest took them out to the truck while I finished up. The bonus was though, that since it was my birthday I got a 20% discount on my purchase....woohoo! When I got done and got to the truck , all the boys were sullen and upset. They had gotten in trouble in the truck for messing around. They even smooshed a side of the cake that my husband had gotten me. I was very sad!
We went back to the hotel and had lunch and saw my husband for a brief minute to have cake for my birthday. No excitement, no fun.....just quietly eating cake.
We then went swimming at the pool. It was nice to relax a minute, but I was sad not being able to spend time with my husband on my birthday!
I decided I needed a break so I asked my oldest if he could watch them for awhile and I went for a walk ALONE! That was the highlight of my day so far, being ALONE! Now if anyone knows me well, they know I don't really like being by myself very much, so for it to come to this made me sad! I picked up dinner for the boys while I was out, so that the boys didnt have to have sandwiches for dinner.
Got back and got ready to go to dinner with my husband. I felt pretty in my new outfit I found at the thrift store. I guess I was hoping my husband would say something like "you look beautiful" or "wow, you look amazing", but it was again just a quiet walk to dinner. I live in a romantic world in my head and sometimes forget that it doesn't work that way all the time in real life. While I was getting ready the boys were getting rowdy and as much as I was trying to get them to calm down, they weren't so we got an embarassing call from the front desk asking us to keep the noise down. That is the first time in all my times of staying in a hotel that has happened, what a great birthday present that was....NOT!
We went to dinner. I didn't know anyone that we were sitting with. We watched entertainment that was ok, but not necessarily the way I would want to spend my birthday. Again, I was sad.

We got back and the best part of my day is that my son gave me a painting he did for my birthday!

It makes me feel so blessed to have a son like him. I have spent almost half my life with him now and I am honored to be called his mom. One of my other sons were really sensitive to me today too. The other 2 boys kinda live in their own world, oblivious to whats going on around them half the time.
So the night ended up watching more entertainment, again, not necessarily the way I would want to spend my birthday!
It ended with me going to bed by myself feeling sad and alone on what I had hoped to be one of my best and memorable birthdays. It will be memorable, but not in the way I was hoping.

So now, I am letting this day go and moving forward. One of my goals this year was to blog my feelings instead of eating badly so now I have done that! This day is done!This is just one bad day out of 365 days of being 40. I feel like my 40's are going to be amazing years of great things.

Now to finish my Birthday weekend! Let's see what Saturday has in store!


THE REST OF MY WEEKEND:
I am happy to say that the rest of the weekend went a little better.....
Saturday the boys and I went for a run....that felt good and there was even minimal complaining from the boys. I wanted to go a lot farther than the boys went but I wasn't going to push my luck. Then we went to the carousel that they have at the riverfront in Salem. I haven't ridden on a carousel in a long time. We decided to look in the gift shop and in the back was a craft room and one of the boys made a paper craft owl. We saw wonderful carvings that people are working on of another carousel horse, a carousel elephant and a frog.
We headed back to the hotel and decided to go swimming, well the kids went swimming, I enjoyed the hot tub.
I decided that night that I would go and really try to see what my husband was a part of and ended up enjoying the entertainment, got to meet some nice people and I really enjoyed spending time with my husband.

Day one of my Birthday weekend

Well this is day one my Birthday weekend.

It started a little early because my husband got a paid trip out of town to go to some conference. So we took the kids out of school for the day tomorrow so we could leave tonight (shh.....they are home sick....cough, cough) and we headed out.

We got to hotel just in time for dinner of which I had planned heated up burritos that I prepared ahead of time since we only have the use of a microwave. But as we were getting settled my husband got whisked off to have dinner with the others so they could discuss plans for the weekend. So the boys and I ate our dinner then decided to go explore. We found the pool and exercise room. The kids are super excited about getting to exercise. We decided to try and find a place to find something to drink so as we were looking up on our phones for nearest places, we decided to go to Safeway which was only 0.8 miles away. It was fun to take a walk with the boys and look around where we were. We saw a beautiful old church, a university and the state capitol building. Everything looks so pretty at night and peaceful. I am sure it will look much different tomorrow in the daylight.

We got back and my husband suggested I go with him to check out some of the entertainment options. We went into one of the rooms and I was offered a drink of which I reluctantly declined. We then went off to another room, but I quickly realized that this is about schmoosing with people, which is completely out of my comfort zone. So I excused myself and decided sitting bored in a hotel room while kids watch a movie was a better choice. Or even better, the bed is calling me to go to sleep.

Day one is complete.

Winter Break

This last week was spent at home with my kids since they were home still on Winter break. They also had a friend over so I have 5 boys in the house all week and occasionaly I would see my 18 year old. As many know with boys, they eat ALL the time. I would no sooner just have fixed lunch and one of them would come and say "I'm hungry". So I would proceed to find something more that they could eat. We went through at least a gallon of milk a day......I am really hoping the rumors of milk going up to $7 a gallon will never come true or we will be looking to buy a cow. And I lost count of how many boxes of cereal they went through or how many apples and oranges were consumed. Despite all they ate, we still have food in the house amazingly.

I loved how the boys kept themselves occupied this last week. They actually used their imaginations. I am sorry to say that I had taken all electronics from them for the month of Decemeber. I wanted to stop hearing "I'm bored" when I know they have tons of toys on top of their electronic toys. So I figured, well then I will take out the things that seem to squash their imagination and see what will happen. I am very happy that within a week or so they had slowly started to exercise their imagination muscles again. I got to listen to their pretend trips and their battles with their beyblades. It was fun to watch them play Just Dance and even join them a few times. They spent more time playing in the snow and going up to the school with their new tetherball and playing. And the cool thing is, even though they can have their electronics back, they haven't gone back to zoning out on them yet. I am hoping that they exercised their imagination muscles enough that they will continue to use it instead of going back to saying "I'm bored".

Because the kids were home though, I have completly gotten out of my routine. I did end up gaining a little of weight back but thankfully I have gotten my eating back under control. Now to just get back into a routine of exercise again. I was trying to go to the gym but its just not the same as walking/jogging outside, having a good conversation with a really good friend. I really miss the jogging I was doing and I am looking forward to getting back to it. I have a feeling though that I am going to have to start at week 1 day 1 of the couch to 5K and restart my body wanting to jog again. I have planned out to do at least 6 different races this year which is double from last year. I am even going to try walking a half marathon with my friend. She has already accomplished one and has inspired me to want to try to accomplish it too. I love having things to work towards, it keeps my motivation up.

Now to go plan out my busy week ahead..........

Thoughts for the 1st day of the Year

Today I have had a lot of thoughts running around in my head. I am not sure if its because its the first day of the new year or because I am turning 40 in just 11 days.

So the biggest thought that I cant seem to shake today is.....do I want to quit my job?

Kids are still on winter break and I am enjoying having them home. I homeschooled my two older boys and was always home with them and enjoyed that very much. I dont recall having any thoughts of wanting to go back to work and didnt really give much thought to what type of work I would do when they were grown and gone. I did pick up odd jobs now and then to supplement some income, but my heart was always at home.I would do childcare and things that wouldnt take me too far away from the kids. Then I went through a divorce and decided that I didnt want to ever be dependent on a guy again. I wanted to see that I could support the kids and I by myself and I did for awhile. Then I met and married a wonderful man.....but again I still had it in my head that I wasnt ever going to be dependent again. My two youngest boys have asked to homeschool and I have told them that wasnt an option since I needed to work. I work in a very flexible part time job as a merchandiser and some days I enjoy the work. But weeks like this when the kids are home and I know I should be going to work, it makes it hard to want to stay at the job. I am trying to decide if I really want to work and keep to my decision to never be dependent on a guy again or if I am missing being home and taking care of everything at home. After 4 years of being with a wonderful, loving, supportive husband, I no longer feel the need to have the same attitude that I had before about needing to work so that I am not dependent on him. But I feel selfish for wanting to be home now.....before when the kids were little it was a no brainer that it was better for me to be home then to work and pay someone to take care of them, but now with them all in school, how would it look if I wasnt working? I know my decision shouldnt be based on what others think, but I often do let my thoughts go there.

I feel like staying at home full time would open up my time to do more volunteering, to take more time to take care of myself and working out, and being open to the kids wanting to homeschool again. I work a very flexible job but at the same time, I feel the pressure of having to get certain things done to get my percentages at my work at a good place, for example this week my service percentage numbers are going down because I am not staying on the schedule of when the stores need to be worked. I feel also if I quit my job then that is less money that is coming into the house and we already struggle so if I quit then thats even more that I feel we would struggle.

So now I am facing the question...should I quit my job and go back to being a stay at home mom or should I continue to work and keep going the way I have been going? That is the million dollar question for today. Now if the decision would just come easily, then I could move on to other random thoughts.

Reflecting

As I look back on this year and reflect, there were so many changes going on in our lives. I have felt this has been a wonderful year with all the changes.

At the beginning of the year I still had my 5 nieces and nephews living with me. They had actually come to live with us in August 2011. It was fun having them and having to say goodbye to them in August 2012 was a bit hard. Life has forever changed having them be a part of our lives. We now want more than ever to look into becoming foster parents.

This year, one of the biggest changes has been acknowledging that I now have an 18 year old son. I am very proud of the young man he has become. We were working on his order for his senior stuff and I could hardly contain my tears realizing that he is grown up and soon will be out on his own. My prayer has always been and always will be that I could be the best mom to him and raise him to be a good man. He is looking to go into the Airforce, which again was a hard one for me to hold back the tears but at the same time briming with pride that he has turned out so good.

One if the biggest changes for me this year is that after 4 years of taking a break from really trying to lose weight and eat healthy, I decided it was time to get started again. I had lost 70 pounds from 2004-2008 and was super excited about that, but then went through some life changing events and had gained back most of what I had lost. So at the beginning of the year I had joined weight watchers online. That worked to some degree for me, but it still wasnt really what I needed. I really needed to have support of an actual group. So I started searching and found a PRISM group that wasnt too far away. So in May I joined that group. I had found a wonderful group of ladies that really gave me the support I was looking for. From May to October I was going faithfully and was gradually losing the weight. But as finances got a little tighter, it was getting harder to get the the group. About this time I also met a new friend which was encouraging me to try the couch to 5K program. I was a little nervous about me running, but as we got into it, it felt great! Then I decided that I needed to find a group a little closer to home and found a TOPS group, which I had actually been to before so everyone there was very welcoming and happy to see me back. By December 1st I had lost 45 pounds, was running and a part of a couple of weight loss groups. And on December 1st, I ran my first 5K.....I was hoping to finish in at least 45 minutes but we did even better....we finished in 36:57 minutes!!! Woohoo!

I eat mostly organic fruits and vegetables now and have been following for the most part not eating white flours and white sugars. In fact, I hardly eat anything processed any more. It feels so wonderful to be feeling like I am headed in the right direction. I still have some weight to lose and that is what my goal is for this next year......to continue on the path to health. I am hoping to run a few 5K's,walk a half marathon with another friend and walk a 10K with my cousin and if my friend has her way this year, we will be running a half marathon. I also will be a part of the Portland to Coast this next year which I have wanted to do forever. This last year has been a stepping stone for this next year, it has set the foundation of things that I want to accomplish in 2013. I am looking forward to more chapters of my life being written this next year. And I plan on trying to blog more this next year so that I can look back and see what things I have acomplished throughout the year.

As I say goodbye to 2012, I am welcoming 2013 with open arms!!!