My 40th Birthday

Today started as usual with a healthy breakfast that I brought from home....oatmeal and hard boiled eggs. We went down to see what was at the breakfast buffet and I added fresh fruit to that. Later when we took the kids down to breakfast, I ended up "helping" one of my boys with their belgium waffle. A little treat I felt wouldn't be a bad thing.
I had decided it would be fun to go to a thrift store and look around......why I was thinking that taking 4 boys shopping would be a good idea, is beyond me. It did not go well. They even got asked by the clerk to stop running around. How embarrassing! So my oldest took them out to the truck while I finished up. The bonus was though, that since it was my birthday I got a 20% discount on my purchase....woohoo! When I got done and got to the truck , all the boys were sullen and upset. They had gotten in trouble in the truck for messing around. They even smooshed a side of the cake that my husband had gotten me. I was very sad!
We went back to the hotel and had lunch and saw my husband for a brief minute to have cake for my birthday. No excitement, no fun.....just quietly eating cake.
We then went swimming at the pool. It was nice to relax a minute, but I was sad not being able to spend time with my husband on my birthday!
I decided I needed a break so I asked my oldest if he could watch them for awhile and I went for a walk ALONE! That was the highlight of my day so far, being ALONE! Now if anyone knows me well, they know I don't really like being by myself very much, so for it to come to this made me sad! I picked up dinner for the boys while I was out, so that the boys didnt have to have sandwiches for dinner.
Got back and got ready to go to dinner with my husband. I felt pretty in my new outfit I found at the thrift store. I guess I was hoping my husband would say something like "you look beautiful" or "wow, you look amazing", but it was again just a quiet walk to dinner. I live in a romantic world in my head and sometimes forget that it doesn't work that way all the time in real life. While I was getting ready the boys were getting rowdy and as much as I was trying to get them to calm down, they weren't so we got an embarassing call from the front desk asking us to keep the noise down. That is the first time in all my times of staying in a hotel that has happened, what a great birthday present that was....NOT!
We went to dinner. I didn't know anyone that we were sitting with. We watched entertainment that was ok, but not necessarily the way I would want to spend my birthday. Again, I was sad.

We got back and the best part of my day is that my son gave me a painting he did for my birthday!

It makes me feel so blessed to have a son like him. I have spent almost half my life with him now and I am honored to be called his mom. One of my other sons were really sensitive to me today too. The other 2 boys kinda live in their own world, oblivious to whats going on around them half the time.
So the night ended up watching more entertainment, again, not necessarily the way I would want to spend my birthday!
It ended with me going to bed by myself feeling sad and alone on what I had hoped to be one of my best and memorable birthdays. It will be memorable, but not in the way I was hoping.

So now, I am letting this day go and moving forward. One of my goals this year was to blog my feelings instead of eating badly so now I have done that! This day is done!This is just one bad day out of 365 days of being 40. I feel like my 40's are going to be amazing years of great things.

Now to finish my Birthday weekend! Let's see what Saturday has in store!


THE REST OF MY WEEKEND:
I am happy to say that the rest of the weekend went a little better.....
Saturday the boys and I went for a run....that felt good and there was even minimal complaining from the boys. I wanted to go a lot farther than the boys went but I wasn't going to push my luck. Then we went to the carousel that they have at the riverfront in Salem. I haven't ridden on a carousel in a long time. We decided to look in the gift shop and in the back was a craft room and one of the boys made a paper craft owl. We saw wonderful carvings that people are working on of another carousel horse, a carousel elephant and a frog.
We headed back to the hotel and decided to go swimming, well the kids went swimming, I enjoyed the hot tub.
I decided that night that I would go and really try to see what my husband was a part of and ended up enjoying the entertainment, got to meet some nice people and I really enjoyed spending time with my husband.

Day one of my Birthday weekend

Well this is day one my Birthday weekend.

It started a little early because my husband got a paid trip out of town to go to some conference. So we took the kids out of school for the day tomorrow so we could leave tonight (shh.....they are home sick....cough, cough) and we headed out.

We got to hotel just in time for dinner of which I had planned heated up burritos that I prepared ahead of time since we only have the use of a microwave. But as we were getting settled my husband got whisked off to have dinner with the others so they could discuss plans for the weekend. So the boys and I ate our dinner then decided to go explore. We found the pool and exercise room. The kids are super excited about getting to exercise. We decided to try and find a place to find something to drink so as we were looking up on our phones for nearest places, we decided to go to Safeway which was only 0.8 miles away. It was fun to take a walk with the boys and look around where we were. We saw a beautiful old church, a university and the state capitol building. Everything looks so pretty at night and peaceful. I am sure it will look much different tomorrow in the daylight.

We got back and my husband suggested I go with him to check out some of the entertainment options. We went into one of the rooms and I was offered a drink of which I reluctantly declined. We then went off to another room, but I quickly realized that this is about schmoosing with people, which is completely out of my comfort zone. So I excused myself and decided sitting bored in a hotel room while kids watch a movie was a better choice. Or even better, the bed is calling me to go to sleep.

Day one is complete.

Winter Break

This last week was spent at home with my kids since they were home still on Winter break. They also had a friend over so I have 5 boys in the house all week and occasionaly I would see my 18 year old. As many know with boys, they eat ALL the time. I would no sooner just have fixed lunch and one of them would come and say "I'm hungry". So I would proceed to find something more that they could eat. We went through at least a gallon of milk a day......I am really hoping the rumors of milk going up to $7 a gallon will never come true or we will be looking to buy a cow. And I lost count of how many boxes of cereal they went through or how many apples and oranges were consumed. Despite all they ate, we still have food in the house amazingly.

I loved how the boys kept themselves occupied this last week. They actually used their imaginations. I am sorry to say that I had taken all electronics from them for the month of Decemeber. I wanted to stop hearing "I'm bored" when I know they have tons of toys on top of their electronic toys. So I figured, well then I will take out the things that seem to squash their imagination and see what will happen. I am very happy that within a week or so they had slowly started to exercise their imagination muscles again. I got to listen to their pretend trips and their battles with their beyblades. It was fun to watch them play Just Dance and even join them a few times. They spent more time playing in the snow and going up to the school with their new tetherball and playing. And the cool thing is, even though they can have their electronics back, they haven't gone back to zoning out on them yet. I am hoping that they exercised their imagination muscles enough that they will continue to use it instead of going back to saying "I'm bored".

Because the kids were home though, I have completly gotten out of my routine. I did end up gaining a little of weight back but thankfully I have gotten my eating back under control. Now to just get back into a routine of exercise again. I was trying to go to the gym but its just not the same as walking/jogging outside, having a good conversation with a really good friend. I really miss the jogging I was doing and I am looking forward to getting back to it. I have a feeling though that I am going to have to start at week 1 day 1 of the couch to 5K and restart my body wanting to jog again. I have planned out to do at least 6 different races this year which is double from last year. I am even going to try walking a half marathon with my friend. She has already accomplished one and has inspired me to want to try to accomplish it too. I love having things to work towards, it keeps my motivation up.

Now to go plan out my busy week ahead..........

Thoughts for the 1st day of the Year

Today I have had a lot of thoughts running around in my head. I am not sure if its because its the first day of the new year or because I am turning 40 in just 11 days.

So the biggest thought that I cant seem to shake today is.....do I want to quit my job?

Kids are still on winter break and I am enjoying having them home. I homeschooled my two older boys and was always home with them and enjoyed that very much. I dont recall having any thoughts of wanting to go back to work and didnt really give much thought to what type of work I would do when they were grown and gone. I did pick up odd jobs now and then to supplement some income, but my heart was always at home.I would do childcare and things that wouldnt take me too far away from the kids. Then I went through a divorce and decided that I didnt want to ever be dependent on a guy again. I wanted to see that I could support the kids and I by myself and I did for awhile. Then I met and married a wonderful man.....but again I still had it in my head that I wasnt ever going to be dependent again. My two youngest boys have asked to homeschool and I have told them that wasnt an option since I needed to work. I work in a very flexible part time job as a merchandiser and some days I enjoy the work. But weeks like this when the kids are home and I know I should be going to work, it makes it hard to want to stay at the job. I am trying to decide if I really want to work and keep to my decision to never be dependent on a guy again or if I am missing being home and taking care of everything at home. After 4 years of being with a wonderful, loving, supportive husband, I no longer feel the need to have the same attitude that I had before about needing to work so that I am not dependent on him. But I feel selfish for wanting to be home now.....before when the kids were little it was a no brainer that it was better for me to be home then to work and pay someone to take care of them, but now with them all in school, how would it look if I wasnt working? I know my decision shouldnt be based on what others think, but I often do let my thoughts go there.

I feel like staying at home full time would open up my time to do more volunteering, to take more time to take care of myself and working out, and being open to the kids wanting to homeschool again. I work a very flexible job but at the same time, I feel the pressure of having to get certain things done to get my percentages at my work at a good place, for example this week my service percentage numbers are going down because I am not staying on the schedule of when the stores need to be worked. I feel also if I quit my job then that is less money that is coming into the house and we already struggle so if I quit then thats even more that I feel we would struggle.

So now I am facing the question...should I quit my job and go back to being a stay at home mom or should I continue to work and keep going the way I have been going? That is the million dollar question for today. Now if the decision would just come easily, then I could move on to other random thoughts.